Polarization, The Painful Truth of Authenticity.

Growing up, I was constantly worried about how I was perceived, obsessing over approval before taking any action.

I’d keep my head down, avoid anything that might make me stand out, and stay within my comfortable boundaries: playing video games, hanging out with the same friends for years, letting my environment dictate my daily decisions.

My self-worth was reduced to arbitrary measures—grades, job titles, and social “success”—all based on other people’s expectations. I felt like a spectator in my own life, watching it drift by while I stayed quiet and inoffensive, desperate not to make waves. I stayed comfortably invisible.

It felt like I had no power to shape my future. Instead, I was constantly looking up at people who seemed to be living their dreams—content creators, calisthenics athletes, entrepreneurs—putting them on pedestals while feeling smaller by comparison.

I trapped myself in a cycle of admiration and uncertainty, endlessly watching others succeed while I stayed paralyzed, doubting myself and avoiding action.

Soon the emptiness and lack of control became too much. I realized I was just another player following a script, going through the motions without any real agency.

I wanted more. I wanted to be the main character in my own story. I wanted to make choices that mattered to me, not because they fit into someone else’s idea of who I should be.

So this past year, I set an intention: to break out of my comfort zone and finally do what I wanted. I started talking to new people, built and shared work that felt meaningful to me, and adopted routines that were unconventional but fulfilling.

I met incredible people—those I could learn from, work with, and genuinely connect with. But it wasn’t all easy, and when things didn’t go well, it hurt—a lot.

Some didn’t hide their judgment. They ridiculed my choices and mocked my commitment to personal growth, placing that label on me: “Oh, you’re one of those people?” they’d say, dripping with sarcasm.

Some people were cold and dismissive, ghosting me without warning. I’d connect with people who seemed open and friendly, only to have them distance themselves or disappear completely without warning.

I’d give them the benefit of the doubt, but eventually, the silence and coldness would trigger a spiral of self-doubt. I’d start overthinking every detail, wondering, “Did I say something wrong? Was it something about me?”

I overthought these judgments. The automated recordings of their reaction and judgements that rewind and played in my mind everyday morning was tormenting.

After enduring the mental toll of putting everyone else’s opinions above my own, I had a revelation:

Authenticity and Good Work are Polarizing.

I found myself letting go and moving on. No matter what bold decision I make in my life, there will be people who resonate with you for it, and who will dislike you for it. There’s no way around it: pursuing my true self will naturally divide people. And that’s okay.

Polarization

You feel a lack of agency in your life because you’re avoiding bold, polarizing actions. Or maybe you're not taking action at all, I was stuck in this phase a few weeks ago.

The reality is, to have people who genuinely like you, you’ll also have people who dislike you.

It’s a simple duality, a law of the universe.

For light to exist, there must be darkness.

For there to be passion, there must be indifference.

It’s the nature of yin and yang—two forces intertwined.

This is the opposite of being inoffensive. When you avoid saying or doing anything provocative, you avoid creating any real impact. You can’t be liked or disliked if you’re just there, staying in the background.

This is contrary to the opposite: being inoffensive. To not be provocative. Because you can't be liked or hated if you are inoffensive. You're just there.

Now, this doesn’t mean going around intentionally offending people. Instead, it’s about becoming unapologetically good at being you, flaws and all. Embrace the things you love, carry them proudly, and stop hiding any part of yourself to fit in or avoid conflict.

When you’re living as your most authentic self and creating work that truly reflects you, polarization is inevitable. You’ll force people to take a side. And that’s the point. You’re no longer in the background; you’re living a life that matters, that's bold, that's dictated by you.

The goal now: Be the best you can be right now, with all the flaws and presence (look at my article on presence) you can give to an interaction.

The result: You will polarize.

And yes, people will judge you for it. But at least you’ll know you’re truly living.

Am I Wrong?

But what if I'm wrong with being my authentic self? Isn't that a self-centered close-minded way of thinking that shuts yourself from new valuable perspectives?

In the modern world with the noise of millions of people's opinions and thoughts swarming the internet, most of us weigh others' opinions too heavily. We let their reactions dictate our worth, our self-esteem, and our sense of purpose.

But remember, it's:

You + Them = Relationship/Business/Consumer

I love Mark Manson's approach to But instead of asking:

• “How can I impress them?” what if you thought, “Are they impressing me?”

• "How can I converse with them" you asked "Are they making an effort to converse with me"?

• "How can I show my depth?" you questioned "Are they sharing their depth"?

This shift changes everything. You’re no longer dependent on approval because now, it’s mutual. Everything is Compatibility. Compatibility is a two-way street.

This is why I stopped seeing everything as just “me” or "them". Relationships, work, and friendships all rely on value exchange. Sometimes, the simple truth is that we don’t offer each other enough value at that moment in time. And that’s okay.

It’s a balance: too much focus on others, and you lose yourself in their approval; too much on yourself, and it becomes egotistical. You are an evolving person, and even if you’re not your ideal self yet, you are you right now, flaws and all.

So go out there and be okay with making mistakes, because that’s exactly where you are meant to be right now. 

I’ve cringed at countless failed attempts, awkward jokes, and silly failures. But I realized that without accepting that phase—embracing my authentic, imperfect self—I couldn’t move forward. 

Each misstep was just a step toward growth, an iteration to be iterated upon with a new lesson, a necessary part of the process.

That’s your authentic self, and it doesn’t need to be hidden or defined by anyone else’s judgment.

And here's another thing: Compatibility changes over time.

Imagine if you met someone like Elon Musk and had the chance to work with him. There’s no doubt he could provide immense value to you in terms of experience. But as a young 20-something, it’s likely he wouldn’t see your value yet. You wouldn’t sit around sulking because he didn’t choose you; it’s just that right now, you’re at different stages of development.

The compatibility isn’t there—for now. Be comfortable with it, "right person wrong time" because it happens all the time.

As you grow, build skills and assets, your interpersonal skills, you can offer more value, that changes.

This is why self-improvement is crucial in relationships, work, and everything else. It’s about increasing your capacity to exchange value with others.

You might think you have weak social skills or limited career experience right now. You might think you're introverted, nerd-like, whatever label you put on yourself because I did that.

But fully fucking embrace that right now because that’s just where you are today, and it doesn’t define you. Nor should anyone else’s judgment.

But that value exchange sounds superficial no?

Everything you do has a motive. It might seem shallow at first, but that doesn’t mean it lacks potential for depth. Think about it:

• You donate to charity—not only to help but because it makes you feel good to support others.

• You chat with a clerk at the store and walk away with a bit more positive energy and your curiosities answered.

• You’re drawn to someone because of their looks, but over time, you get to know the layers beneath the first impression.

You might start going to the gym to build muscle or attract attention—aiming for those “social points.” But once you get the six-pack, you realize that external validation isn’t as fulfilling as you thought. So you keep going, and eventually, working out becomes more than just looks; it becomes a form of therapy, a way to feel strong and centered from the inside out.

So stop guilting yourself for these simple wants. Be authentic, honest, and open. Embrace who you are, because at some point you will reach depth.

So, what now?

Well, what do you want? Create a vision—get specific about what you want and, just as importantly, what you don’t want. Clarity on what you want to avoid helps you refine what matters most.

Then act. Take steps. Experiment and be ok with fucking up with your initially superficial pursuits.

Some of the greatest minds didn’t “find” their passion overnight. For most, it started with simple curiosity—a spark, an interest, a glimpse of the life they imagined for themselves.

They began with something small, maybe even superficial, and explored it step by step. For Elon, it really was just as simple as being interested in space (despite having no experience at all with spacecraft). Over time, that initial curiosity led them to a billion-dollar company, the Nobel Prize, and the Space X we see today.

Passion isn’t handed to you; it’s discovered through consistent action.

Reflect on what works and what doesn’t. Build yourself toward your ideal version, and let that authenticity polarize. Embrace the process of Experiment, Reflect, and Polarize—and see where it takes you.

In this current moment, you may think you have awful social skills, poor career skills, whatever. But that's you right now, and that's authentically you, no bullshit hidden. And that state should not define you. Neither should the other persons judgment.

Experiment, Reflect, and Polarize.

That's all I have for this week, thank you for reading this letter.

— AL