How I’m Learning to Stop Overthinking and Be Present

This marks the first month of my final year in college, and yet these past mornings I wake up with a sinking feeling—Is this all there is?

I expected more from college - more clarity, more fulfillment. Instead, I’m shadowed by the uncertainty of life after graduation: job applications, grad school, life goals—it all looms over me.

I’ve always felt like I’m running out of time. The thoughts of others seemingly living perfect lives fogged up my mind, while I’m left chasing an ever-closing future. It’s FOMO mixed with the fear that after this year, I’ll be left with nothing but a residual of a college identity that no longer fits.

I sought advice—people told me to build routines, stay consistent, push through. I tried.

No matter how much I filled my schedule or curated my life, the solutions only seemed to spawn more problems. What if I was making the wrong decisions? What if all this effort was for nothing?

Then came the familiar advice from well-meaning friends and family: “Stop overthinking.”

I’ve heard it a million times. But I always wondered—what the fuck does that even mean?

Isn’t thinking what keeps us logical and alive? Isn’t it the foundation of all progress? And what does it even mean to 'over' think?

Amid this mental chaos, I came across a book that I had once dismissed years ago as spiritual fluff: The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.

Something about this time in my life made me open to its message. The book didn’t offer me list of tasks or goals or another self-help guru—it offered something different.

It shifted my perspective on overthinking. It wasn’t about thinking too much—it was about being trapped in thought, disconnected from the present.

Overthinking is letting your mind run on autopilot. It is to spiral into hypothetical futures and analyzing past mistakes causing unnecessary pain.

It's like using a tool 24/7 without rest, such that you're not using the tool, but rather you become the tool.

It’s the inability to live in the now because your mind has made a habit of living everywhere but the present.

I still struggle with being present. As I work on rewiring my mind to live more in the moment, I’ve had some important realizations that I want to share.

By reframing my doubts and quieting the excuses that have kept me from embracing the present, I’ve found clarity amidst the noise. Writing allows me to express these conscious thoughts and gain a deeper understanding of them.

These are the conclusions I want to share with you today.

The Current Step

My best understanding of presence comes from what Eckhart Tolle calls "psychological time."

At our core, we—conscious beings—are meant to operate in the present. Think back when you felt moments of deep focus, when your mind is quiet, and you’re entirely absorbed in what you’re doing. That’s true consciousness—a state of no thought and immersed in the now.

Our thoughts operates under the basis of the past or the future. Think about how often you get caught up in memories, regrets, or worries about what’s to come. These are distractions, pulling us away from the present moment—a state of unconsciousness and disconnected from the now.

It's one or the other: either in the present or lost in psychological time.

Recently, I’ve found myself grappling with thoughts like:

• What if I’m unemployed and alone after graduation?

• What if working on myself is not enough?

• I should've taken career goals more seriously.

Notice how these are all hypothetical worries, expectations, and regrets—none of which are grounded in the present. This creates a gap between what you’re experiencing right now and the version of yourself that’s lost in time.

This gap—what Tolle calls "psychological time"—is the breeding ground for anxiety, stress, and mental disorder.

Your mind has attached itself to these thoughts, and you begin to identify with them.

When you identify with your thoughts, they stop being just passing mental events and start to define who you believe you are.

If you're socially anxious, your mind may already be fixated on an expectation of future rejection or judgment. This creates a conceptual identity around "I am anxious" or "I am socially awkward." You’ve built an identity dependent on your thoughts.

In these moments, you need to be able to shut your mind off and do things with your full consciousness. Yet the reason it’s so hard to break free from this cycle is because letting go of these thoughts feels like losing a part of yourself.

You've invested in these mental constructs for so long that your mind clings to them, even when they cause suffering. Breaking this identity feels painful because it means stepping into the unknown—letting go of the false sense of control that your thoughts provide.

Emotions like anxiety, fear, and boredom arise as natural extensions of these thought patterns. When you identify with these emotions—believing that they define you—your actions become impulsive and reactive. You no longer act consciously but instead, let your emotions drive your decisions.

This is why identifying with your thoughts and emotions pulls you further away from presence.

How often you are in this state of consciousness is a great indicator of satisfaction (Good research study done on this: "A Wandering Mind is an Unhappy Mind"). As our minds drift away from the present task we're working on, we experience more dissatisfaction.

This fulfillment come from the convergence of your mind and your actions in the now. This convergence is what psychologists call "flow"—a state where time seems to disappear, and you’re fully immersed in the present.

This is the peak human experience, and it’s what we’re all striving for: presence, flow, and free from being lost in psychological time.

“How can I stay present while also striving towards a better future? Doesn’t that lead to stagnation or complacency?”

I distinguish between peak contentment and peak human experience through achievement. You could achieve peace and contentment by focusing solely on the present, much like a monk. But this doesn’t mean abandoning your ambitions or growth.

Think of it like being stuck in quicksand. If you waste energy cursing the past or worrying about the future, you’ll stay stuck. But if you focus on what you can control right now—on the present—you give yourself the best chance of moving forward.

Staying present doesn’t mean giving up on growth or goals. It means wisely using your mental battery.

Most people spend 80% of their time overthinking, which only leads to unnecessary suffering. By grounding yourself in the present, you conserve that energy, allowing you to take deliberate action toward your future.

In the end, we only have the present moment. The more we live in it, the less time we waste on hypothetical worries, and the more we can focus on taking the best step forward—right now.

How do we practice this?

By practicing observance—noticing your thoughts without judgment—and accepting your thoughts and emotions without trying to label it as "good" or "bad."

Go out next time and let a child-like curiosity emerge. Marvel at details—the way sunlight reflects off a building, the sound of wind rustling through trees, the expressions of people passing by. Observe the present.

This practice of mindful observation helps ground you in the present, pulling you out of your head and into the world around you.

When difficult emotions arise, acknowledge them. Don’t suppress them. It’s natural to feel pain or sadness—I've cried during tough times, and that’s okay. Through all the emotions and thoughts generated by your mind, the key is to let your observer mind cut through the noise.

Over time, the intensity of these feelings fades, and your awareness—your consciousness—begins to come through. You give yourself the power to choose how you respond.

Roleplayer’s Mindset

Life is made up of roles. Like a video game, you're assigned tasks and objectives, and you tackle them as different characters—each one suited to a specific moment.

Learn to adopt these roles fully in the present each day

• You play the role of a student when you're studying.

• You play the role of a friend when you're with a friend

• When you take a break, you take a break. shut your thoughts/mind off and nothing else.

Each day, you shift between these roles and you put your conscious attention to that role. The moment your mind diverges from the role you play, ingrain yourself in the now.

When you operate on autopilot. We unconsciously dedicate so much of our effort and energy to these roles without fully realizing how we’re engaging with them.

Imagine choosing to go out with friends and having work on your mind. We lose ourselves in the noise, reacting without thinking and getting trapped in mental loops. This drains us.

The key to breaking free from autopilot is understanding that whenever a thought or feeling arises, observe it without label and decide you have three choices:

1. Act to change it

2. Remove yourself from it

3. Accept it as it is

No other choices, every other choice reeks of avoidance of the situation and often leads to victim mentality or narcissism in some sense.

This reminds me of a scene where Bruce Lee's character enters the villain’s lair. After a dramatic fight, he ends up trapped in a cell.

Instead of shouting or reacting with anger, Bruce Lee simply sits down in a meditative state—calm and composed. He acknowledges his situation and accepts it without resistance.

He doesn't waste his energy on unnecessary suffering. He doesn't try to escape, because he knows there's nothing he can do at that moment. He conserves his mental energy by accepting the situation for what it is. When the opportunity to act presents itself, he’ll be ready—but for now, he waits patiently.

If there's nothing you can do now, then accept. No unnecessary suffering and mental energy burnt. The more anxious you are, the more you focus on the present moment to bring consciousness to the now.

Observe and Conserve.

Not every moment will bring friends, life partners, or opportunities. Life has natural flows, and not every moment will be filled with leaps of action or progress.

Sometimes, you pause, conserve, or prepare in the background. These quiet periods are as important as the moments of opportunity. You sit, observe, and stay ready. When the right opportunity comes, you act on it with intention and focus.

Practical Spirituality (Vision)

Here’s a practical approach to spirituality: create a vision for your life—10 years, 5 years, 1 year, down to the month, week, and day.

Think about:

• Lifestyle (Your ideal workday and routine)

• Health (how do you want to look and feel)

• Career (what type of job and financial situation do you want)

• Relationships (who do you want in your life and deepen with)

This vision will evolve, and that’s okay.

Once your vision is set, let go of it. Focus instead on the task at hand today. Weed out distractions and mental noise. This doesn’t mean abandoning your goals; it means learning to live in the present while steadily guiding yourself toward the future—one moment at a time.

Spend some time in the day to play this version of you. And when other responsibilities come up, play those versions too with full intent.

You will slip in and out of presence, and that’s normal. This practice is like building a muscle: the more you engage with your thoughts from a distance, the easier it becomes to quiet the noise and find clarity.

Presence and consciousness soon becomes your default state. You will develop greater control over your thoughts and actions.

When you master the "off switch" for your mind's incessant chatter, you begin to control your destiny.

And when things get rough, which they will, remember that this too is temporary.

See you in the next one.

- A. Lee